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Tuesday, July 27, 2010

"What's herpes Mom and why doesn't she want to share?"

The extreme differences between boys and girls always amazes (and amuses) me. My handy Hubby was on the back porch assembling a picnic table the other evening when a pesky horse fly started bugging him (get it? "bugging"??? LOL) so he defended himself in as dignified a manner as he could and grabbed the broom. He swung it wildly a few times, ducking, making odd "man-like" noises, and working up a sweat until finally that one fatal blow knocked the frequent flyer to his death. He squashed the bug with the end of the broom "just to be sure it won't get back up" (and seek revenge I suspect.) The little girlies would squeal and scream and run away hiding behind something, then peek out to see if it's safe to come out. But not the boys .... The boys rush over to the assaulted insect  for a closer look.
"Ewww, COOL!" marvels Daniel.  "Look at his guts squishing out!" cries Nicholas. "I can see his blood." observes Shane. "That's not blood" corrects Nicholas, "That's bug juice" he says matter of factly. "Oh Gross." replies Shane. "Look! He's still moving! Smash him again Dad!" shouts Daniel. " I wanna try - give me the broom" grunts Shane. That poor horse fly never even had a chance with my guys out there. As I looked down at him I could hear little Susan's tiny voice in my head saying ... "awww, poor yiddow fewwa."

There is one area though that both our boys and girls share similar views on and that's television commercials. Over summer vacation they have been really noticing how "inner po piate" (innapropriate) alot of them are. I am not talking about the Charmin bathroom tissue ones that talk about "fewer pieces left behind" - this one makes the kids giggle and Shane moans  "that's just so wrong." I am talking about the ones that are shown at ALL hours of the day and early evening that make my husband and I squirm and share that "I can't believe they just showed that on daytime TV" glances over top of our kiddling's heads. I want to send a letter to the various television commercial producers but wouldn't know where to send it .... just to remind them that "my innocent children are watching - please save your trash for late night TV - if you really have to advertise it!"
I shouldn't have to worry about how to explain what KY Kissable Sensations for the Body is, or what it does, or why it comes in Chocolate for her and Strawberry for him .... and why can't she have strawberry if she likes strawberry, and what if he likes chocolate? Can't they share? The last time this commercial came on Latoya said "Mmmmm I like chocolate." and Little Susan agreed and added "I like brawberries too!" The boys looked at the television bewildered - they knew something "not quite appropriate" has just gone on but they can't quite figure it out yet. And "where did their clothes go anyway Mama?"
Good Golly husband where is the remote control?!?! find it quick the Trojan Man is on again! Have you ever seen that commercial? (you will know if you have - it is unforgetable) The announcer booms... "Trojan Ecstacy Condoms, the first condoms that feel like nothing's there!" and as the children all stare in wonder at the naked smiling man leaning at an angle into a blast of rushing air  little Susan asks the inevitable... "why is he make-it Mommy? Where's hims clothes?" so I fumble for words and blurt out "maybe the wind blew them off, I don't know for sure honey, let's see if there's something else on another channel ... WHERE IS THE REMOTE DADDY?!" A little later on I was faced with another pop quiz..... as a Pos - T - Vac commercial came on. "Vaccum therapy for E.D. Experience confidence! Experience sexual satisfaction.... blah, blah, blah.." "Awww, it's so yiddow." Coos Little Susan. "Mommy, why is the vaccum so small?" enquires Latoya. (Phew.... they think it's a vaccum) "Well, some people only need little vaccums - depends on how big their houses are I guess." ("Yes! I skirted around that one" I thought triumphantly.) I am tired of answering questions about garbage commercials..... "What's herpes Mom and why doesn't she want to share?" or having to stop a brawl because someone insulted someone else "just because they said "Boy, that lady on the "Tena Undergarments" commercial has to pee alot, just like Daniel!" Maybe she should see her doctor and get some "Vesicare bladder control medication."
I remember almost choking  on my coffee when the "Vagisil" commercial came on during cartoons.... The announcer was not shy in educating us all on the benefits of the product... "Vagisil ... stops feminine odor and itching fast!" Shane's eyes grew wide and he looked at my husband (he was starting to "get it") "Mommy, I itch..." stated Daniel.
I am glad my children are still naive and innocent in these areas - and I intend to keep it that way for as long as possible. I love how they still get squimish when ever the "Dentyne Gum" commercials come on ..... A young couple is locked in an embrace kissing passionately as the announcer says.. "The average person spends 20,000 minutes kissing....Practice safe breath" and my kiddlings are gagging, hiding their faces, and yelling "Ewww, that's so gross! They're spreading germs!" and another screams "Look - he's eating her face!" and Latoya looks up at me, eyes filled with terror and curiosity and asks "You and Daddy don't do that do you?"  I look away and pretend I didn't hear her.

The worst commercials are the ones that are too obscure for the kids to know what it is they're advertising and why - but not so obscure that they don't recognize that it makes them feel weird. For example, the Viagra and Cialis commercials. A man and a woman in the kitchen, or painting a room .... and the announcer says "Any moment could be THE moment..." and off they go to do ... well, you know.... Don't get me wrong. These products may have real benefits and have a real place in the market today but NOT on my television during daytime hours when my children are watching! These ads belong in local pharmacy and grocery store flyers NOT on the cartoon network.
Maybe it's just time to turn the television off and find a new source of entertainment for a while :) Who needs a television anyway, my kiddlings are more than entertaining!
I wanted to announce the winner of the Name the new Fish Contest!!!!!!
Drum roll please ..........
The fish's new name is "Blogger!" Congratulations to my dear Hubby who came up with that one - no it's not rigged - I really do like that name. It just seems to fit :) Thank you to everyone who submitted a name for consideration ...... and Blogger is very thankful to NOT be named "Big Pooper."
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Here are a few Funnies from our house to yours:
* My niece Lynn asked where my "Prindle stick" was. "My what?" I replied confused. "Your Prindle stick. Grandma's is on the floor and my dad's is next to the steering wheel." She explained. "WHAT is a Prindle stick Lynn?" I asked. "You know, the thing you shift in a car that says Prindle on it - PRNDL." She answered. Yes, seriously.
* The kids were being very well behaved one day. Our guests had commented on their good behavior, they were very impressed. I was so proud of them. After our guests left I called the kids to me and told them how happy I was with them and how impressed I was with their behavior. Nicholas piped up and said "We know Mom - we didn't want to embarrass you infront of company."
* While eating yougurt at the table Little Susan said, "Mmmm, I like spazzberry and manilla yougurt." (raspberry and vanilla)
* My Hubby was laying on the livingroom floor with his arms folded under his head. The Baby toddled over to him and began petting his furry arm pit saying "Awwww."
* While vaccuming the living room floor I suspected a bit of hair got stuck in the motor.... Little Susan approached me with concern and said "Eww Mommy, da libbin room tastes like da vaccum." (smells - like something burning)
* We were showing the house so I was busy giving it a thourough cleaning and turning on all the lights. Little Susan asked "Why you turning on all da lights?" I explained that that's what you do when you're showing a house. To which she replied "Oh, Good Job Mama!"
* While playing in the backyard, Latoya showed the Teenager the dead worm in her hand and asked "You're coming to the "fur neral" right? "Sure" said the Teenager. Little Susan took a plastic knife and quickly dug a hole in the dirt and then Latoya jabbed the worm into the hole with her finger. "There!" she said triumphantly. Latoya prayed "Dear Lord, please bless this worm as use to our bodies. Amen." "We did a good job at the "fur neral" right? Latoya asked the Teenager. "I shoved it in the hole just like dad put Babe in the ground  and the other people shoved great grandma in the ground." she said.
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Just a reminder that the next AVON order will be placed on Tuesday August 3rd - contact me if there's anything you would like me to get for you!

*India Missions Trip ~ Tupperware Fundraiser*

We are excited to announce our India Missions Trip TUPPERWARE Fundraiser. We're holding this fundraiser throughout July and August. Just browse the flyer and select the items you wish to purchase. 40% of the sale proceeds goes toward our Missions trip to India. Items will be ordered once in July and once in August. Feel free to contact me for more details :) Bless you and thank you for your participation and support.


Don't forget to share this blog with your family and friends. Invite them to become subscribers and you could win! Have them enter their information into the "Join our Mailing List" box on the right. Once you invite three or more people, send me a list of who you've invited and your name will be entered into a draw for a prize.
Blessings,
Lucy

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

"Can I colour my picture of the naked girl that I got from the church?"

Alrighty..... It's been almost two weeks since I've been able to find time to Blog .... the kiddlings are home for summer what more can I say? This is the first opportunity I've had a moment to sit down and take a minute for myself .... I am actually hiding out in my bedroom right now - they think I am on the phone and need some quiet..... I think it's gonna be a loooong phonecall :)
This is my new fish. He's a black Moore. I haven't named him yet ...  I thought we could have a "Name the Fish" contest! Just leave a comment at the bottom of this blog entry indicating what name you would choose for the happy little swimmer and I will post the name we've chosen in the next blog entry. (Come on, don't wait until later.... do it now! Scroll down to the bottom of this entry, click on "Comment" and leave a comment with your choice of name.... why put it off till later? Be impulsive!) The winner will receive an autographed photo of the little guy (or gal ... don't know how to tell the difference really.) Here are a few suggestions from my herd; Noah, Blackie, Big Pooper (Nicholas' suggestions "cause he poops big"), Black out, Barbie, and Gabrielle. *Please send your suggestions.... I am not really fond of any of these :)

I am feeling a little bit older these days.... my Teenager just celebrated her 14th birthday :) She is such an amazing kiddo - everything I wish I was at her age. Confident and compassionate, obedient and thoughtful, talented and encouraging, considerate and strong, she is funny and beautiful all rolled into one great girl..... I remember how madly in love with her I was when I first laid eyes on her .... a squirming, smiling bundle of baby - if feels like only yesterday.... where have all the years gone so quickly?  I used to wonder what she would be like growing up. What would she like to do? What hobbies would she pursue? Would she be a tomboy or a girlie girl? Would she be pleasant and polite or a bit of a rebel (like her mom {was})  .... I am so thankful for the incredible young woman she is today .... Happy Birthday My Teenager - we are so very proud of you :)

It's no secret that the Teenager loves horses and despite her ongoing knee issues (requiring an upcoming surgery) she continues to take riding lessons and will saddle up at any given moment if she has the opportunity. She was thrilled to receive a new pair of riding boots for her birthday :) She was very excited to go trail riding with her cousin in the evening - the perfect birthday for this Teenage cowgirl. Although the Teenager has just celebrated another birthday and is growing up before my eyes..... maturity takes time to develop. Sometimes irrational fears cause one to act in ways one would not normally act.....

This same brave Teenager who hunts with Daddy, protects her younger siblings, has travelled overseas on an airplane to a foreign country and spoken infront of churches full of strangers ..... who isn't afraid of "anything" has a slight fear of spiders. Can you imagine? Spiders..... little crawling bugs that are harmless and completely helpless against a grown girl...... talk about irrational.
The Teenager went in to have a shower the other day. After only a few short minutes I heard the water shut off - I was SHOCKED! Wow, she must really be catching on as she's getting older.... One of us often has to bang on the bathroom door when she's in there to make sure she's still breathing.... "Are you done YET?" is usually the question posed through the crack in the door. "Save some water for the rest of us", and "Turn the water OFF - you've been in there long enough" can often be heard early in the morning as the Teenager replies "just a minute." So on this particular day I was feeling pretty proud of my girl. She had exercised some self control and restricted her own "shower time" to accommodate others .... but wait a minute..... that wasn't NEARLY enough time to lather up let alone wash her hair .... as I pondered this I heard her call me in a shrill voice "MooOOOoom??? MooOOOoom?? Can you come here PLEASE?" I dropped what I was doing and darted for the door. Obviously she'd cut a main artery shaving or something to cause that much panic. I burst through the bathroom door ready to make a tourniquet out of a tea towel to save my precious daughter from bleeding out only to find ..... her bare bottom sticking out of the shower as she clutched a towel to her chest and was reaching high up into the corner of the shower where the ceiling meets the wall, with the toilet bowl wand (the thing used for grasping a cleaning pad) in her hand. She had wadded up some toilet paper and attached it to the wand and was trying desparately to murder something high up in the corner. Her eyes were wild and she was breathless.... "a spider... there's a spider in the shower..." she huffed and she jammed the toilet wand into the corner again and again. "There, I think I got it." she said satisfied. "Can you flush it for me please?" she asked. I stared at her in disbelief and turned to walk away..... "there's nothing left to flush dear," I said "you've disintegrated him."

Have you ever wondered what it sounds like around here in the morning? (probably not but it sure makes for an interesting sound clip) Here's what all seven kiddlings waiting patiently at the table for their breakfast sounds like....
I wonder if this is the reason why we don't get much company? LOL
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Here are a few funnies from our house to yours:

* "Can I colour my picture of the naked girl that I got from the church?" asked Latoya. "WHAT?" I stammered as I grabbed the picture from her hand. It was a picture of Eve in the garden peeking out from behind a bush - they were learning about Adam and Eve.
* My husband was curling weights in the livingroom and the two little girlies sat mesmerized watching him....They were so impressed.  "Daddy is getting stronger" boasted Latoya. "Ya, Daddy is a stronger guy." added Little Susan.
* We were discussing families one day around the dinner table. Curious as to what their response would be, I posed the question "What would you think if we got another baby?" Shane piped up right away... "I don't want another baby - they take too long to grow." "Ya" added Nicholas, "They can't even speak."
* The baby's new word is YODA... the boys think it's cool. But what she's really asking for is Yogurt :)
* "We had weed at the Mars family's house right Mom?" stated Latoya. "No honey, that was wheat. W H E A T. not weed."
* I was looking after my young cousin for the day. At lunch time she refused to sit in the dining room at the table and eat with us. When asked why she said with distain  "Ewww, it smells like sandwiches and boys in there."
* Little Susan came up to me with that "informer" look on her face. "This is my "mean finger" Mom? It was posed as more of a question than a statement. "Who told you THAT?" I asked, stunned that my innocent four year old was flipping me the bird. "Shane said this was my mean finger." She said matter of factly.

Just a reminder that the next AVON order will be placed on Tuesday July 20th - contact me if there's anything you would like me to get for you!


*India Missions Trip ~ Tupperware Fundraiser*


We are excited to announce our India Missions Trip TUPPERWARE Fundraiser. We're holding this fundraiser throughout July and August. Just browse the flyer and select the items you wish to purchase. 40% of the sale proceeds goes toward our Missions trip to India. Items will be ordered once in July and once in August. Feel free to contact me for more details :) Bless you and thank you for your participation and support.


Don't forget to share this blog with your family and friends. Invite them to become subscribers and you could win! Have them enter their information into the "Join our Mailing List" box on the right. Once you invite three or more people, send me a list of who you've invited and your name will be entered into a draw for a prize.


Have a blessed week!
Blessings,
Lucy

Saturday, July 3, 2010

"Mom, what do you want to be when you grow up?"

We've had a sad start to our kiddling's summer vacation. We laid our beloved Black & Tan Coonhound "Babe" to rest yesterday. You can read about Babe and check out some of her photos on her Dogster page. The kiddos all took turns helping to dig the hole in the backyard then Daddy did the private funeral service. There were many tears shed. Buzzy, our little Shih Tzu is depressed and still wondering where his best friend is. Babe was a special dog, she will be greatly missed by all of us :(

This week over breakfast the kiddlings and I were discussing "What they wanted to be when they grew up."
Nicholas said "I want to be a Pastor so I can go to different countries and preach and pray for them."
Daniel said "I want to be an icecream maker ..... or maybe a worm digger cause I like that best. I can get worms to the people who want it and to the store - but I will need a worm bucket so I can put the worms in it or I will have to carry them in my hands."
Shane said "I am going to be an under cover cop. I don't want people to know I am a cop, I want to surprise them!" {He is sneaky.}
Latoya said " I want to be a Pastor too cause I like to pray for people." The Little Susan added that she wanted to be a "cover cop" just b'cause.
The kids collectively agreed that The Baby should be a doctor so she can help people and make them feel better - and if she doesn't want to be a doctor she can be "ever her want" says Little Susan.
The little ones said The Teenager would grow up to be a Vet. Well, Daniel said a "horse rider" but changed his mind and agreed that a Vet was the best option for her "cause she likes to help me" said Daniel. Little Susan says The Teenager can "help the doggies to feel better." and Latoya said "The Teenager can help the animals if they get broken."
The boys decided they might all want to be "cops, on the side." Only so they can carry Oozies and machine guns. I told them that regular police officers carry "hand guns" not big guns, they would have to join the swat team for that kind of action. Then Nicholas says "Mommy, why do we even need a "squat" team?" I try not to laugh and reply "I don't know, but maybe they're more physically fit than the rest of the officers." Hahahaha.
Shane asks "Mom, what do you want to be when you grow up?" I reply "Hmmm, maybe I'll continue to be a mom. It's my favourite job ya know. Why? Do you think I should do something else?" Nicholas pipes up, "Ya, you could sell AVON!" "I already do that silly" I say.  "You can be an ambulance!" says Daniel. (What he meant was that I could be a paramedic like my sister) "I know," says Nicholas, "You can be a bus driver." They all laugh at that suggestion .... it is a little known fact that I am "challenged" when it comes to parking, according to SOME people's standards. "I don't know, a school bus is kind of long - how would I ever park it?" I reply. The kids nod their heads as if they understand my dilema completely - and they seem to agree. Little Susan offers a solution,  "Mommy you could drive the city bus cause they are short busses." Latoya squeals excitedly, "You can be a short bus driver!" Nicholas agrees, "Ya, then you'll be able to back up and everything." "Beep, beep, beep...." says Little Susan as she walks backwards around the table.
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Quo Vadis Pizza, I HATE YOU! Chocolate bunnies, bars, balls, and bites I DETEST YOU! It doesn't matter if I dip fresh fruit into you as you flow ever so gracefully from the fountain - you're still EVIL and you do EVIL things to my body. You're a deceiver! Why won't you leave me alone?!?!?
How will I ever fit into my beautiful Sari when I go to India? Just one bite of the calorie laden yummies and I'm hooked - it's much like an uncontrolable addiction I fear. "Everything in moderarion" they say. Well whoever "they" are have obviously never struggled with such a tormenting temptation. It's not JUST chocolate. It's any delicious treat that makes me giddy and overwhelms my senses so that I feel more than satisfied, energized, excited ... almost euphoric.... such a sense of well being - until I walk past the mirror and have to stop to wipe the dribbled ice cream from my chin and the disappointment sets in again. I am an "all or nothing" kind of girl - this is an incredible gift when it comes to pursuing my passions whole heartedly but it sure can be self destructive when it comes to my waistline. What do I want to be when I grow up??? Hmmmm, I guess I'd have to say .... balanced and self controlled :)
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Here are a few funnies from our house to yours:
* While reciting the books of the Bible, Latoya said: "first Corinklians, second Christenings..." Hahaha
* When the kiddlings get up in the morning on the weekend they all congregate in our room. The little girlies love cuddling up, the boys like to wrestle. "Mommy this is a GOOD day!" Latoya enthusiastically stated. "Oh ya, why is that?" I enquired. "Cause we're hayving" ("behaving") 'You're right" I said "But don't get too excited about that, it's only 7:30 am."
* It was Monday morning, the very first day of Summer Vacation for the kiddlings .....  Daniel wakes me up and says "Mommy, can we play school today? You can be the teacher." Hahaha
* We recently took the kiddlings to the "Drive in Peter" (theatre) to see the "Kwatey Kid" (Karate Kid)
During the first fight scene Little Susan shreiks from the back seat "Oh no! Wook it. Theys hittin' him - that's NOT NICE! Theys hurtin' him - STOP IT! STOP IT! The the old man steps in to defend the boy  and fight off the bad guys. "Dat's Better!" Little Susan shouts gleefully.
* We were all at the table having lunch one day and I said something to the Teenager to which she jokingly replied "That's enough of that young lady!" Nicholas sat up tall and announced "she's NOT a young lady!" I stared at him in disbelief with one eyebrow raised waiting for him to correct himself, apologize, or disappear ..... "she's a medium" he confidently stated.
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Just a reminder that the next AVON order will be placed on Tuesday July 6th - contact me if there's anything you would like me to get for you!

*India Missions Trip ~ Tupperware Fundraiser*
We are excited to announce our India Missions Trip TUPPERWARE Fundraiser. We're holding this fundraiser throughout July and August. Just browse the flyer and select the items you wish to purchase. 40% of the sale proceeds goes toward our Missions trip to India. Items will be ordered once in July and once in August. Feel free to contact me for more details :) Bless you and thank you for your participation and support.


Don't forget to share this blog with your family and friends. Invite them to become subscribers and you could win! Have them enter their information into the "Join our Mailing List" box on the right. Once you invite three or more people, send me a list of who you've invited and your name will be entered into a draw for a prize.
Have a blessed week!
Blessings,
Lucy