Wednesday, October 31, 2012

You Have to Walk Over Poop to be a Man

Ring ring, ring ring....."Hello?" "Hello Madame, can I take a moment of your time to ask you a few questions for our environmental survey? As our way of saying "Thank You" your name will be entered into a draw for some exciting prizes including a trip!"...... (I should have said "No, I don't believe in surveys, or sorry, it's against my religion" but I didn't.) And sure enough a week later I had WON a super prize! A fabulous three day two night vacation for two at a five star resort somewhere in North America! "When is a good time for a representative to stop by and deliver your prize package Madame?" the overly enthusiastic woman chirped on the telephone. "Tomorrow morning at 11:30 is perfect! Oh, by the way.... Our representative will be bringing by one of our products to show you...just to get your opinion on...we're not trying to sell you anything, we just want your honest opinion on this product. So if it's okay with you, our representative will stop by at 11:30 to bring you your fabulous prize package?" (Why didn't I just lock the door, close the blinds and pretend no one was home?) Knock, knock, knock, knock.  "Hello my name is Scott from blah blah blah...." he began as soon as I inched the screen door open. He spoke so quickly I had a difficult time understanding him. He began unloading his large suitcases of equipment into the living room as I stood aside holding the door and silently wondering what I'd gotten myself into. He did all the right things. Complimented my home and it's cleanliness, pretended to adore children as my three year old proudly displayed each dolly she owned and asked him to play, feigned interest in my mother's health and the health of our children in order to win me over. He had a magic suitcase and from it he pulled out a machine that oddly resembled R2D2 from Star Wars. The machine was called "The Defender" (Try it again, in a loud, booming deep voice....THE DEFENDERRRR) This man's enthusiasm for this product was over the top. The more he talked about it the quicker he talked and the more animated he became. I half expected some furry circus animals to jump out of that magic suitcase and perform for us. The Defender is a "room air cleaner" that is recognized by the FDA as a class II medical device.... now that last part is very very important because being recognized by the FDA as a class II medical device costs about as much as a new mammogram machine!
It was about that time that my husband came in from work on his lunch break.  The salesman, obviously pleased to see my husband, went to work on charming the wallet out of his pocket. When my husband mentioned that he was only home briefly and couldn't stay long, the Salesman turned to him and in a serious tone of voice spoke to him man to man... "Oh certainly, I understand you have to go, but do you mind if I ask... is this the type of financial decision your wife can make on her own?" {WHAT?!?!? Did he just say what I think he just said?!?! I sat across from him with my mouth gaping wide open, looking like I just witnessed the rapture and got left behind.} My darling husband, noticing the insulted and dumbfounded look on my face immediately shot back "NO! She is not allowed to make financial decisions." The Salesman stammered and made excuses to cover up his rudeness and quickly went on with his presentation. My husband opted to stick around for a while instead of leaving me alone case I needed his support in making a financial decision perhaps? Hahaha.
My husband reiterated that we were not interested in purchasing anything at this time, and that the woman on the phone who called about the prize we'd won, said that we were not obligated to buy anything they merely wanted our opinion on the product. "Yes of course, but I think you'll agree that anyone who is concerned about their health or the health of their loved ones, anyone who cares about their children and their future, should own the Defender, or perhaps even two of them depending on the size of their home." he went on and on working us from every angle. Guilt, Pride, Medical necessity, an on and on.... He wanted to demonstrate the machine so we showed him to one of the girl's rooms. "Can you smell that?!?" he began. {"Oh God! Smell WHAT??? What did the Baby do now?" I panicked by myself in my head} "That's the smell of stale air most rooms have when the windows are closed tight..... blah, blah, blah," he droned on. He turned the machine on in one of the bedrooms and walked out to the living room to continue with his presentation. Knowing he was not making any headway with us in the sale of the Defender he went back to his magic suitcase and reached inside. A moment later he was fishing out another large piece of machinery that slightly resembled the first one.
"Hey, that's a Filter Queen...... HEY! He's a vacuum cleaner  salesman!" I thought accusingly to myself. His magic suitcase contained a dozen  or so parts and hoses and gizmos that attached to the Filter Queen Vacuum. "Good Lord! He's trying to sell us a flipping vacuum!" my mind screamed within me. My husband who had been pleasant and patient up until now turned to me and rolled his eyes. "I've got to get going" he mouthed silently to me while the Salesman fitted this new machine with some filters and hoses. My eyes grew wide and I sent him my own "unspoken" message "don't you dare leave me alone with this shark!" I said telepathically. He sighed and slumped down into the couch to watch the performance. "Blah, blah, blah ..... suction power vs air flow, blah, blah, blah, washable parts and changeable filters, blah, blah, blah...." and on and on he crooned. After looking over our vacuum and showing us all the bad points about it and telling us how ineffective and inefficient it was, he said to my husband "What would you do if I threw a handful of dirt in your baby's face?" to which my husband raised his eyebrows and slowly replied "I would show you the door." The salesman then countered with "Well that's exactly what this old vacuum of yours does every time your wife turns it on. So what should we do with it? {'Show it to the door' was the response the salesman was fishing for.} As time wore on and my husband grew more and more impatient for this "demonstration" to be over. He was already late in returning to work and would soon be late for a scheduled appointment. "Let's cut to the chase here Mr. Salesman, what is the bottom line? How much are you asking for this pair of modern must-have machines?" he queried. "Well Sir, what value would you place on your home appliances? If you had to replace them today what would you expect to pay...blah, blah, blah..." on and on with the reasoning, guilt and pressure.... when that wasn't working he got more direct and pushy I guess you could say. It turns out, after several calls to his "manager at head office" (any of you who have been in this situation before knows how ridiculous this all really is) and the already fabulous price of $2400.00 could be reduced to $1900.00 if we provided a large food donation to their food drive, traded in our old vacuum (since it was a piece of garbage compared to this miracle machine) and also supplied the salesman with the name and contact info for at least three "friends" (who are home owners and have a full time job) who might be interested in watching the same grueling three hour demonstration we just lived through. We (or should I say My Husband, firmly told him "NO, We are not interested in purchasing anything...." but before he could finish, the well seasoned salesman cut in with ANOTHER free gift offer! He pulled out a shiny sauce pan and lid and began telling us all the benefits of cooking with the complete twelve piece cookware set that we could receive FREE when we "referred three friends" who would watch his demonstration. The Salesman opened his mouth to speak and stuck his foot in it. "Come on, you're a know many people. I am sure there are some older people in your church that could benefit from these great products...." My Husband spoke firmly "First of all, I will NOT give out anyone's contact information to you - that's just not right. Secondly, I don't know anyone who could afford to pay $2000.00 for a vacuum/Air cleaner combo." When he wouldn't take no for an answer my husband had enough. He thanked him for his time and the "free gift" (which would likely cost us a considerable amount to actually use) and began to "help" him tidy up all his supplies. While the Salesman took his time washing out his vacuum, my now heated hubby shoved all the little parts and doodads back into the mans magic suitcase. As the man started trying to strike up another conversation (sales pitch) my husband carried his suitcase to the door and ushered the man out.
We watched the man load up his car and sit in the driveway on his cell phone....likely calling his "manager at the head office" to look for direction. The next time someone calls you to say "You've Won!" BEWARE..... nothing in life is truly FREE now is it?

*Here's a Few Funnies From Our House to Yours*

*The Baby said, " I saw a little bug named 'BeeBeeTots', it peed and pooped on the table. Then it fell and got hurt. It was a boy 'cuz it had a 'peenus' when it peed."

*Daniel: Teenager "I am sorry for my behavior and for lying to you."
 Teenager: "Good, now don't let it happen again!"
 Daniel: (looking upset and disappointed) "I'll try but I always end up doing it again!"

*The Baby: "I am!" (in a snotty voice)
 Grandma: "You owe your mother an apology for talking to her like that!"
 The Baby: "I'm sorry mommy"
 Me: "Thank you" I replied
 The Baby: "You have an apology for me?" she asked in return.

*The Baby: "Mom, what's wrong with your mouth?"
 Me: "What do you mean? There's nothing wrong with my mouth."
 The Baby: "You have words in your mouth!"

*The Baby was looking at a book and commented on the dog's fur in the book. She called it 'feathers.' "Do dogs have feathers?" I asked. "No" she replied. "Do goats have feathers?" I quizzed. "No" she giggled. "Do horses have feathers?" I challenged. "No." She asserted. "Do the chickens have feathers?" I teased. "No." She stated matter of factly. "Well who has feathers then?" I wondered aloud. "Little Susan has feathers! A big one." She answered excited. (Susan had found a sea gull feather and was keeping it in her bedroom)

*While walking through the barn Shane stopped to look at the goats. At that moment Annie brought up some food and started re chewing it (chewing cud). "Eww, she's chewing her CRUD!" "What?" I asked (thinking I didn't hear him correctly) "The goat just puked in her mouth and now she's chewing her CRUD!" Hahahahaha

* Little Susan likes to help with the animals in the barn. She especially likes to clean the germs off her hands with "handitizer" afterward.

* "Is 'contemplated' when you eat too much cheese and can't poo?" asks Shane.

* Daddy's voice was a little deeper and husky one morning because he had a sore throat. "Good morning." He said as he entered the kitchen. I jokingly said "Daddy's going through puberty right now." "What's that?" Shane queried. "It happens when your growing up," I answered "Your voice changes, your body grows hair, your body makes new smells...." Little Susan piped up "Eww, I don't want to catch THAT!"

* Grandma was scolding the Baby for causing mischief and tattling on one of her sister. "Mind your own business!" Grandma firmly told her. "I have a business?!?" the Baby inquired excitedly.

* Daniel told us that he and his brothers had made a boy's and girl's club. "The girl's club is for girls and the boy's club is for boys. But you have to walk through the poop first." (manure pile) he informed. "As kind of an initiation?" I asked. "No, to be a man." he replied. "You have to walk over poop to be a man."

* While driving home from shopping we always pass a few cows in the field. One day I teased the Baby as we drove past the beefy girls and said "Mmmmm, they look tasty, we should eat them" I taunted. "No!" she cried "that will hurt their feelings!"

Subscribers Stories
Introducing a new area of the tank.... Subscribers Stories! Do you have a funny or or cute story to share? Want to have it included in the "Subscribers Stories" section of The Fish Bowl? Just email me your story and I 'll include it in a future edition of The Fish Bowl. Please include your name and email address with all submissions.

Gabby: "Mom is there another way to get a baby besides getting married, Can you buy one?"
Me: "You can adopt one but I doubt they would let me without being married."
Gabby: "Can't you just lie and say your husband works alot?"
Submitted by Veronica A. from Windsor

Gabby found a dog treat so I told her to give it to her teacher in case he has one. "o, he's not married" I told her you don't have to be married to have a dog and how do you know he is not married?" "Have you seen how skinny he is mom, he's not married!"
Submitted by Veronica A. from Windsor

Gabby: "Here Nick have this piece of candy" a few minutes later "taste it."
Nick: "What did she say?"
I responded "She said eat it, it's good!"
Submitted by Veronica A. from Windsor

Blowing Bubbles About....
This week we're blowing bubbles about The Little Pig Farm Ontario
Located in Woodstock, Ontario. Owned and operated by Sarah Canfield and Maegan Spina. You can also check them out on Face Book. Many Thanks to Sarah and Maegan.... Our little Gracie was a recent resident at The Little Pig Farm :)

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Happy Harvest Season ~ Be Blessed,

Sunday, October 7, 2012

"Bad words are in my mouth" says the Baby

Summer flew by so fast! You could imagine the chaos and craziness around here over the past few months with having all seven kiddlings home plus running our Summer Kamp program.... it feels like this is the first time I've had a chance to sit down and catch my breath...wait a minute, it IS. The children have been in school for about a month now and I am still working my way through my "To Do" List that just seems to grow longer each day. Recently one afternoon I decided to tackle the cupboard under the sink. Yes THAT one, the one that holds the garbage bin. In the back of the cupboard I store my flower vases so they're out of reach and won't get broken by clumsy little hands. When I pulled out the tall, oval shaped, burnt orange vase I was shocked and amused to see two tiny field mice in the bottom of it. Upon seeing me they frantically jumped up and down trying to escape. But the edge of the vase was too high to reach. The Baby was colouring at the table at the time and halted her creativity to come over and have a peek. "Awwwww! He's so cute!" She squealed with delight staring at the rodent's big round ears and tiny black eyes. She giggled wildly as she watched them bounce up and down over and over again, trying to find a way out. We were having a problem with mice coming into the house and have set many traps to get the problem under control. I have had to deal with disposing of dead mice caught in the traps but haven't come across this situation yet.... what shall I do with live mice? I couldn't just let them go - they'd be right back in the house in no time, ripping into another box of cereal or bag of rice.  I couldn't stomp on them .... I just couldn't. So I called my husband and asked his advice. "Just dump some water in the vase and set it in the garage - they'll drown and you can get rid of them after that." Okay that sounds quick and easy enough. I apologized profusely to the tiny rodents as I poured a pitcher of water into the vase and set it in the garage. I left immediately, not having the stomach to witness their final few minutes.  The Baby and I worked on a few crafts and did a little more cleaning. About thirty minutes passed by before I remembered the little rodents in the garage. "I'd better dispose of them now, before the kiddlings come home I thought as I headed to the door.

Upon opening the garage door my heart broke. On the counter where the vase was I could see the little mice STILL SWIMMING for their lives! But more terrible than that was another little mouse who apparently had come to their aid, jumping frantically up and down at the side of the glass vase, trying in vain to find a way to rescue the poor mice from their fate. The rescue mouse saw me and quickly scampered away leaving the two mice in their perilous situation. A tear slid down my cheek as I reached for my cell phone and called my husband. I explained the situation to which he replied "Stop it, you're breaking my heart! What are you going to do?" he asked. I told him I had no choice, I had to release the tiny mice from their watery tomb and set them free. You know the old stories about prisoners on death row, how if the execution fails the prisoners are set free. Well I carried the vase out to the back lawn and gingerly poured it out onto the grass. The little mice fell out and lay there breathing rapidly, exhausted with no fight left in them. I carefully picked them up and placed them under the edge of an overhanging garden plant to shade them from the sun. Burning to a crisp while trying to dry out would be an even more terrible death don't you think? I left them to dry and went back to my house work. When I returned a while later they were gone. Hopefully they fled in the opposite direction and won't get caught in a mouse trap of ours. I'm certain I'd be able to recognize them if I ever saw them up close again (dead or alive, in a trap or running free.)
When my husband came home that afternoon he asked me what I did with the little mice. As my eyes filled with tears I told him that I let them go, that I HAD to. He said he understood.... but asked me to please not tell the neighbours about this...... they already think we're weird.

*Here's a few funnies from Our House to Yours *

* "Mom, Can I have a drink?" Shane asks as he hands me his cup. "What's in your cup?" I inquire because I can hear something tumbling about in there. "A cock" he casually replies. "A WHAT?!" I further question. "A cock" he says plainly. "WHAT?!" I demand in a shrill voice as I grab the cup from his hand to see what's inside.... it's a CORK, from a wine bottle. (Shane has a bit of a speech issue and mom has an overactive imagination :))
* Nicholas came home from school and told me all about his day. The highlight of his day was "Making a CHEMICAL ERECTION" in science class. (Chemical reaction)
* The Baby was going for a play date with her friend Ella. "I want to make a name for Ella's grandma." she stated. (which translates to "I want to know her name") "Her name is Mrs. Green" I reveal. "Oh, I LOVE Mrs. Green" says the Baby "And her grandpa (husband) is Mr. Green right Mama?" says Little Susan looking for confirmation. "Yes" I reply. "I love Mr. Green" Little Susan says again. "He's so cute!"
* "Bad words are in my mouth" says the Baby "We should wash them out." I reply teasingly. "With my tooth brush, Ya!" she says excitedly.
* After brushing her teeth one morning the Baby comes to me with her mouth wide open to examine her work. "Look at my teeth Mama, are they dusty?" she inquires.

Subscriber's Stories

Introducing another area of the tank.... Subscribers Stories! Do you have a funny or cute story to share? Want to have it included in the "Subscribers Stories" section of The Fish Bowl? Just email me your story and I'll include it in a future edition of the Fish Bowl. Please include your name and email address with all submissions.

Sunday afternoon Wendy and I were on the swing watching Wayne do some car stuff.  Zion (8) and Haylee (6) were on the swing.  Zion yell's out "Mom Mom Haylee says we gotta get married "  Once we stopped our giggles she asked  "why?"  Zion replied " well she says we touched knee's now we have to get married " (well at least he was smiling) Wendy said "well don't worry it doesn't have to be this week” ....and we both burst out laughing ..
Thanks to Phyllis L from Chatham for that submission

Kendal: "mommy i can see the sun through my eye skin"
Me: "those are called your eye lids"
Kendal:"why are they called eye LIDs?"
Me: "I'm not sure... Why is anything called anything?"
Kendal: "well cows are called cows because they moo"
Hahaha I love her! :-)
Thanks to Amie Stoffyn for that submission

In the words of Abby "Grammie did you know my mommy has a baby in her tummy!!!!!! She growed it with food!"  Thanks to Marissa Smolders for that submission

Me: " Gabby you have been having much better days at school and have done great on your school work. Do u find your meds helping more?" 
Gabby says: "No Mom I`m just doing it for the stickers. The medicine doesn't work at all."

It was fireworks night and I told Gabby she couldn't stay up to watch them because she had school the next day. She had late night the night before and I had to work early the next morning so she says "Your the meanest Mom ever. I have been waiting my whole life to see fireworks." and she proceeded to stomp her way to her room. Must have been rough waiting those 8 whole years. ;)
Thanks to Veronica Anger from Windsor for those submissions

WHO: Arden and Angela 
WHAT: Getting money out of the ATM
WHERE: Crowded Mall
WHEN: This afternoon
WHY: Why you should have your children close their eyes as you type in your bank card pass number
" pressed ****!!! You use that number on ALL your cards...."
Thanks to Angela Pestowka for that submission

This week we're blowing bubbles about Kamp Koppes. Kamp Koppes is a unique family owned hobby farm in southwestern Ontario. Located in the Chatham-Kent area this family farm offers a variety of child friendly activities including Summer Camp, Toddler Days, Day Camps, Pony rentals & petting zoo critters for birthday parties, and more!  With a steady supply of bunnies for sale, farm fresh eggs and the occasional barn kitten looking for a loving home,  Kamp Koppes has a little something for everyone.

Visit us on the web at or look us up on Face Book.

"Kamp Koppes.... Where the most unlikely friendships are formed."

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Blessings to you - from my Fish Bowl to yours :)